Raiders of the Lost Rooms
by InfiniteUniverses
Summary: Dave and Terezi need a place to store their fort-making material and the only place they can think of is Karkat's room. On the insistence of the shouty troll, Dave and Terezi search the Meteor for a better place to store their material. And of course, they drag Karkat along with them.
1. The Adventure Begins

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK WHERE TWO FUCKWHIFFING LOONEYBLOCK NOOKSUCKS THINKING BEFORE YOU STUFFED MY ROOM FULL OF PILLOWS, CHAIRS AND BLANKETS! AS IF I DON'T ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL OF YOUR ASSFUCKING PUTRID DOUCHEWRIGGLER NONSENSE BUT THEN YOU GO AHEAD AND CLAIM MY ROOM AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL COMFORT STORAGE! NOW FOR THE LOVE OF A TENTSQUATTING ASS CLOWN WOULD YOU TELL ME WHY YOU PERFORMED THIS PRETENTIOUS HOLY DOUCHECRUMPET ACT!?"

Karkat's yelling echoed off the walls of CanTown as he stormed into the room and a fiery rage. Dave, Terezi and the Mayor were currently drawing in a new quadrant of Can town and possibly couldn't care less about what Karkat was talking about. They actually couldn't hear him. Dave was showing Terezi and the Mayor a new track he came up with so he stuffed their ear lobes with earbuds and turned it up[ to an eleven so they could get the whole Strider experience.

"WHAT'S NUBBY YELLING ABOUT?" Terezi shouted to Dave who could barely hear anything over Dave's amazing music. Dave shrugged in reply.

Karkat knew what was going on so he came over to the trio and ripped the ear buds from their ears to get their attention.

"Not cool dude," Dave said as Karkat took the earbuds out of Dave's ears with great force.

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT COOL STRIDER?" Karkat began not calming down just yet. "WHAT'S NOT COOL IS THAT A SHITDICKING FUCKBAGGING FUCKSTENCH LIKE YOURSELF PAIRED WITH YOUR PARTNER IN CRIME OVER HERE FILLING MY ROOM WITH YOUR DOUCHEFUCKING GRUBFISTED DUMBSHIT COMFORT OBJECTS!"

"Oh, you mean the fort materials," Terezi realized what Karkat was talking about.

"NO," Karkat yelled back. "I AM TALKING ABOUT THE PILLOWS, CHAIRS, AND SHEETS YOU FILLED MY ROOM WITH!"

"Those are the fort material Vantas," Dave replied. "Terezi, the Mayor and I were going to build a really cool fort in the common room so we alchemized all the pillows, chairs and sheets."

"THEN WHY AREN'T YOUR INSUFFERABLE VILE PUSTULEFUCKS OF FORTMATERIAL IN THE COMMON ROOM RATHER THAN MY ROOM?" Karkat yelled.

"Because," Terezi began to explain. "We were going to go on a break to play in CanTown but Kanaya wouldn't let us keep all of our material in the common room because it made a mess. So Dave and I decided that we should keep them in your room."

"WHY?" Karkat demanded still in a seething rage.

FLASHBACK

TG: kanaya wants us to move our fort materials out of the common room

TG: where should we put them

GC: K4RK4T'S ROOM

TG: perfect

FLASHBACK OVER

"It's the only logical decision," Dave started to spurt bullshit. "We don't want them to clutter my room, or Terezi's room. Rose and Kanaya would kill us if we put them in their rooms and the Mayor isn't comfortable being left alone with all the chairs and pillows."

"COULDN'T YOU HAVE PUT THEM IN A DIFFERENT ROOM RATHER THAN MY ROOM?" Karkat demanded.

"No," Terezi. "No one wants to step into anyone's old room. Also all of the other rooms are all dusty and filled with boxes and skeletons. Remember?"

"Whoa, no one told me that there were rooms filled with skeletons," Dave halted the conversation. "When did this happen? Where was I?"

"This was when we first arrived on the Meteor," Karkat became clam and began to tell the story. "I sent search parties to explore the top layer of the Meteor, the one we're on right now in this quadrant. They didn't find much but Kanaya found a path down further. No one went any further because we didn't want to get lost."

"So there's unexplored sections of the Meteor?" Dave asked.

"Yes," Terezi replied.

Dave was silent before asking, "Who wants to come with me to explore the other parts of the Meteor?"

"Oh yeah!" Terezi was quick to agree.

"No," Karkat growled. "As the leader I command that you don't go on this thinkpanless fucksquatting shitpuppet mission because you are going to get lost and you are then going to die, and we need everyone we can to stop LE."

"We'll just do it like they did it in the Labyrinth," Dave replied. "So we don't get lost."

"What do you mean by that?" Karkat asked.

"We get a shit ton of string and unroll it as we go along we unroll the string. When we're done, we just follow the string back and we're not lost," Dave explained. "And anyway, we can just text Rose or Kanaya if we get lost."

"We? What do you mean by we?" Karkat asked.

"By we I mean you, Terezi, and I," Dave explained.

"Oh no, there is no way that I am getting involved in your horseshitting globefondling idiotic quest!" Karkat began to back out of the room before he was dragging in any further, but Terezi placed her steel-like grip around Karkat's wrist.

"But Karkles, the only way we are going to get the fort building material out of your room is if we find a room more suitable for fort building," Terezi explained looping an arm around Karkat's shoulder.

"And the only way we're going to find a new room for building our fort is if we explore the Meteor," Dave added on leaning on Karkat's shoulder.

"Fine!" Karkat agreed knowing that Terezi and Dave would not stop annoying him until he agreed. "But don't blame me when we're all starving to death in the middle of nowhere!"

"Cool," Dave smiled. "We all need to pack food, tents, water, entertainment, weapons, food, camping material probably, exploring material, string, and anything else. Got it? We meet here tomorrow after a good night's sleep."

"Well where the fuck am I supposed to sleep?" Karkat demanded. "And what about Rose and Kanaya? Won't they get suspicious if the three of us just magically disappear?"

"I'm pretty sure Rose and Kanaya are too busy being attached to each other lips to give a fuck about what everyone else is doing," Dave explained.

"And you can just sleep on the couch in the common room Karkat," Terezi reminded Karkat of the alternative sleeping location.

"Alright," Karkat sighed. "Tomorrow, we see what else is in the Meteor."


	2. Hi ho! The Exploration Team takes off!

The next day, Karkat arrived in CanTown to see that Dave and Terezi had gotten there before him. They were busy drawing on the floor with chalk as usually, but this drawing seemed to have some sense to it.

"What are you two drawing?" Karkat asked placing his heavy backpack filled with everything he thought that they would need on this trip but wouldn't fit in his Sylladex on the ground with a thud. Dave and Terezi also had equally large bags (so for once they were actually thinking ahead) but Dave also had three red duffel bags along with his oversize backpack rack.

"A plan," Dave replied.

"The circle is the Meteor," Terezi explained. "And it had four layers and four quadrants. We've only explored the first layer of the first quadrant, outlined with the red. We're hopping to explore the first level of the second quadrant, outlined with green. We should know that we're in the second quadrant when we see-or taste-signs with a green two as Kanaya once told us when she discovered her tunnel to the breeding cavern. Once we stop seeing signs with a red one, we will know that we're in the second quadrant."

"Wow, you two actually made sense," Karkat said surprised.

"Yeah, and I alchemized a compass so in addition to my shit ton of string I can mark off where certain rooms are," Dave replied. "And I tested the compass out. It works in space."

"And also I'm going to be drawing on the walls with chalk so we have a third way of figuring out where we've been," Terezi added. "So we can at least rely on one method to get us home."

"I'm really surprised," Karkat stated standing up. "This may be a douchey nookscratching shitting fuck on a mountain of incredible stupidity but you're at least trying to not get us killed and lost."

"I've already taken a picture of the map," Dave explained. "And I have tents for everyone, an extra sleeping bag, fire wood, flint and steel, extra food, extra water, rope, pick axe, hatchet, flashlights, batteries, and anything else. I hope that both of you have enough food and water for yourselves along with a mobile device and sleeping bag?"

"Yep," Terezi and Karkat both agreed at the same time.

"We're only going to explore for seven days, three and half there, three and a half back," Dave explained. "I'll be the clock because my body still runs on earth time. Is there any last minute worries or complaints?"

"Yeah," Karkat asked. "Where are we supposed to go to the ablution trap if we're headed into unknown territory?"

"We go lumberjack style," Dave announced. "Any other questions?"

"What's lumberjack style?" Terezi then asked.

"We don't use a toilet," Dave answered. "But it shouldn't be a problem considering all of physical make-ups. Now anymore questions?"

Terezi and Karkat both raised their hands trying to get at what Dave was trying to suggest but he dismissed them not developing further into the mysteries he was hiding from them, "None, okay, good! Everyone pull out your flashlight and let's go!"

Dave led the team of three out of CanTown after a tearful parting with the Mayor. The traveled north for about an hour with Dave unrolling his large ball of string and Terezi drawing on the walls with chalk so they could find their way back. As they walked, the dark hallways were illuminated with the beams of light traveling out from their flashlights. They searched for the signs that told them what quadrant they were in, but all they had seen so far were signs with red ones. At the one hour point they finally found their first green two.

"Man, an hour of nothing and we finally got to the good part," Dave said as the three of them stared at the sign with the green two.

"We could have looked at any of the rooms on the way here you nookhumping primitive sniffnode," Karkat reminded Dave. He was pretty pissed off because for the first five hours, along with the task of unrolling the string, Dave had been rapping to his heart's content.

"Anyway," Dave ignored that comment. "Karkat, take a picture of me and Terezi up against the two."

"Why?" Karkat questioned as Dave shoved his phone into the troll's hands. Dave and Terezi got stationed up against the two ready to take a picture.

"For the memories Karkles," Terezi informed Karkat.

"Yeah bro," Dave agreed with Terezi. "It's for the memories."

Karkat grumbled protest but he took a picture of them anyway. He handed the phone back to Dave and they continued on looking for the first door. The hallway was strangely empty and silent, with only the sounds of Dave sputtering from his lips in a human method of beat called beat-boxing, the sounds of the chalk being dragged across the walls, the sound of the string unrolling, and the echoing of footsteps. There was no talking because it had felt as though they had crossed the point of no return.

"Look, a door!" Terezi pointed out. Karkat wasn't sure how she knew, but sure enough, up ahead was a closed door.

"Awesome," Dave stated as they all pulled a stop in front of the door. "Let's leave the stuff out here and see what's in this door."

They dropped their backpacks but kept their flashlights in hand. Dave tried opening the door then violently jiggling the doorknob before he came to the conclusion, "It's locked."

"What made you say that?" Karkat asked sarcastically.

"Back up," Dave announced. "I'm going to bust this door down."

Terezi and Karkat complied to the command as Dave took a few steps back before running up to the door and knocking it down his a strong kick. The door busted open and its rusty hinges squeaked as though it hadn't been opened in years. The three of them gathered around the door peering into the dark room wondering what could be inside.

"After you," Dave announced staring at Karkat.

"You can go ahead Strider," Karkat told Dave. "This was your magical fuckbag shitsmoking idea in the first place."

"Terezi?" Dave turned to Terezi.

"You really shouldn't make the blind girl go in first," Terezi insisted.

"But it's ladies first," Dave informed her.

"Then that's why Karkat should go in first," Terezi cackled.

Dave and Terezi looked at Karkat with a wicked look on both of their faces before Dave announced, "Well Karkat, it's two to one. You go in first."

"Fine," Karkat sighed knowing that he wouldn't win this battle. He charged into the room with his flashlight swinging haphazardly in anger. Karkat was too busy studying the other side of the room to look down to see where he was walking. Before he knew it, he fell into a large body of water.


	3. The Skeleton in the Pool

Land-dwellers don't know how to swim for one reason mainly: sea-dwellers. They ruled the sea and most of them would kill them on sight. So why should a land-dweller even both trying to learn how to swim if they might get kill for even entering a room?

Well this natural fact seemed to bit Karkat in the butt because he found himself presently at the bottom of a body of water. He had no idea how to react to this situation because he had never been in something like this before. Of course, if he did not get breath into his air-sacks he would certainly die. Karkat then flipped the fuck up and started to scream. It didn't help, which was a surprise to him.

As he flipped the fuck out because he was running out of breath and that it was really fucking dark so he didn't know if Dave or Terezi even knew that he fell into the water. As he began to prepare for the worst; Karkat heard a splash as a dark figure dove into the water. Karkat couldn't see who it was but the figure grabbed Karkat around the waist and swam up.

Karkat and figure reached the surface as the lights in the room came on. Karkat gasped for breath as he was dragged to the edge of the body of water, which happened to be a tiled edge which was extremely hard to get up. The person who saved Karkat actually threw him out of the pool and climbed up after him.

"You okay dude?" Dave asked, his hair wet, and his body bare of a shirt and shades. Dave was leaning over Karkat, his wet blond hair dripping on Karkat's face. Karkat wasn't sure what he was more shocked by: he almost died, Dave saved him, Dave was really close to his face, Dave had red eyes and freckles, or that Dave was shirtless and ripped. "I don't have to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, do I?"

"I found the lights!" Terezi announced running over to the two boys. "Wait, is Karkat dead?"

"I think he's shocked," Dave replied. "Or he's dead. Or we have to do mouth-to-mouth."

"Mouth-to-mouth?" Terezi asked.

"I basically have to put my lips to his lips and blow," Dave explained. "And I should probably do it soon. Kitkat's not responding."

Karkat was suddenly shocked back to life when Dave mentioned (basically) kissing him. He pushed Dave off his chest back into the water. Karkat quickly launched himself up and began to yell.

"NO I DO NOT FUCKING MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION! YOU ARE A FECULENT INSUFFERABLE BUCKET OF FESTERING DISCHARGE FOR EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT! AND WHY ARE YOU SHIRTLESS! NEVER MIND! I DON'T CARE! I JUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE A HORSESHITTING UGLY FUCKSTAIN AND A PIMPLESQUEEZING SPONGEDEAD SCUMBAG!" Karkat yelled at the top of his lungs to the sputtering Dave Strider who slowly came back out of the water.

"Such thanks for saving your life," Dave replied sarcastically. He climbed out of the pool and decided not to continue the argument any further. Instead, he turned around and got a better look at the room. "Well, will you look at that. We got ourselves a pool."

Karkat then began to notice his surrounding. There were three separate pools of water, one large body of water with lines in the bottom, a circular pool that looked deep and had two boards both at different heights dangling over it, and a small shallow pool. Most of the floor was tile but around the room there were plots of dirt with plants growing up the walls out of control after years of not being tended to. There were multiple open exists to hallways pardon from the door Dave broke to get in. The ceiling of the pool was made of glass so they could see the world pass by as the sped along on their way to the new session. The sounds of filters humming filled the air along with the water lapping at the edges of the pool. Small white plastic tables and chairs covered with dust circled the room in between the pool and the plants. It seemed like a normal rich person's pool apart from the giant skeleton in the largest pool.

"Whoa," Dave exclaimed getting down on his hands and knees and leaned over the pool to try and get a better look of the large skeleton resting on the bottom of the pool. The skeleton looked like it belonged to a large fish creature with very large teeth. Karkat tried to imagine a lusus that would fit the shape of the body of the skeleton, but there was none.

"I bet you could swim through its ribs," Dave exclaimed.

"What?" Terezi asked.

"There's a large skeleton of a giant deadly fish in the pool," Karkat replied. "But how the fuck did it get there!?"

"Well, it must have been the pet of whoever was here before us," Dave said.

"Or their lusus," Terezi reminded.

"But it's not like any lusus like I've ever seen," Karkat replied.

"We'll have to come back after we're done exploring," Dave stated standing up. "Though might be stuff in the locker rooms. Maybe a bathroom or something like that."

"Lead the way coolkid," Terezi told Dave.

Dave went through one of the open doorways into a completely tiled corridor filled with bathroom stalls, showers, and sinks. There were also square blue lockers in one corner along with a skeleton.

"Another skeleton!" Karkat was about to flip out. The skeleton didn't look like a troll and didn't look like a human. Its face was more pointed and it only had four fingers on each hand. "And another mystery!"

"Here," Dave pulled a notebook out of his Sylladex and leaned up against the wall. He began to write in it and narrated his scribbling, "Pool, lap pool, diving pool, hot tub, filters working and clear water but tables are dusty, plants growing out of control, giant fish skeleton in lap pool, strange pointed-face four-fingered skeleton in men's locker room."

Dave put the notebook away and looked up, "We want to keep track of these things. So then we can study it later."

"You're right," Karkat agreed. "But let's move on. Pointy over here is starting to freak me out."

"To the next room!" Terezi announced.


End file.
